Finding a wife
In 2003, I finally made a decision to have a wife. This intention was welcomed by all people I met in the family. Who is the woman you have decided to have as a wife was the question many posted to me. The Lord Almighty God will find me a wife. Many laughed at me for this saying. One of my uncles said to me, "when will God come from Heaven and find your wife?" God’s time will come, I said to him. Many felt that waiting for God’s time was a waste of time because they never had taught that God would approve a wife for a man. While many made fun of me, I kept on asking and praying to God for a suitable companion for life.
Waiting for God’s time, I struggled with many temptations that could have changed God’s plan for my life. I came across many girls who wanted to have sex before marrying. Before than, I had asked God that any woman that is your choice, not my choice, should never encourage me to have sex with her before marriage. God accepted my request and watched over me in the process. Those girls that encourage me to have intercourse were rejected. Rejecting girls for sexual intercourse was impossible for a man as many people think. Those girls had a saying: “I cannot buy a pig in the bag.” Meaning she cannot marry a man without having sex.
One day I came into contact with a girl from Bethel World Outreach. She was a faithful Christian and had a faithful mother. I decided to tell her that I really wanted her to be my wife. She never responded any way. Her mother closely monitors our conversations and interaction toward her daughter. This girl and I became so close until one day I told her my decision about marrying her. Many times we discussed about both churches doctrines and see whether she can consider me for marriage. Her observations about the Mennonite Church were about the dress code and the quiet way of worshiping on Sunday. Dress was the major problem that could change her mind because she didn’t want to create a problem for me as a wife in the church. I decided to tell her about her mother's involvement in the entire process. She granted this, but insisted that my parent cannot change my plans. I struggle with her for some time, praying about her relationship all the time. I really felt that she was the chosen one by God. Some days she see to be interesting in the relationship and will welcome me home with happiness. Sometimes she doesn’t want to see me coming around her. I stated asking God what is really happening in the relationship? Tell me O God! Tell me. I really want to know is going on with this girl. I decided to fast for some days for God to response to me. I have already informed some of my relatives and Mom about this girl. I never wanted this relationship to fail because I really needed this family. One beautiful afternoon I went to see her mother about my plan toward her daughter. I told her that I find some precious gift in your house that I really need for life. She said what is that? What is the most precious gift you think you can offer me that will build the family forever? She said I don’t know. Tell me young man. I have observed your daughter and have the desire to marry her for life. I love her. She so wholeheartedly welcomed me the home as the friend of the family. I have no problem with you; you are a faithful and good looking man. But I cannot choose for my daughter. If she agrees, I will be happy. No man has come to me, but I see some of them coming around her. She and I will pray about it.
I continue visiting this family until 2005 December 25, when I received a phone call from a boy telling me to stop the relationship with this girl. She is my wife to be, I know you sir, I respect you, please stop embarrassing my relationship. After he ended talking, I said to him she never told me about you. If I have caused an embarrassment in your relationship, I am very sorry. I never knew, please forgive me. He went off the phone. The next day I called the girl to confirm what the boy told me. She was frank with me and admitted that it was true about the relationship. I was never frustrated about the disappointment of choice. Some time it is good to move slowly while some time is good to moves fast. I felt that I was moving very fast. God wanted me to go slowly. He knew the best for me. When my mother held that she has decided to quit the relationship, they all became to worry about me. Many friends and relatives became to laugh at me and thrown words at me. Some said she left me because I was unable to have intercourse with her. What a shame. I became to struggle about life. One day a voice came to me in my quit time with the Lord. I have a wife for you. This voice kept coming until I said Lord how could I know she is the one. Because the love had for this girl was deepen in hear. One thing I could really understand about her parent and relatives, they all had great love for me. I almost attended all of their family activities and was always introduce as friend of the family by her mother. It was a unlovely experience to see this good relationship passing bye like June passing by July. When June is passing by July is a struggle that no one could love to see in any relationship of such. I kept on pressing forward to see whether this girl could consider me as her future husband. One day I decide to visit her on the cutting tom University campus in Bong County to tell her my final decision to get in another relationship. She welcomes my plans and said you have been so good to me; you are a good man to have as husband, faithful in your relationship with God. I love you and appreciate you. But to be a husband for me, I have no plan for that now. I pray that God could find a good and lovely wife for you. The next day I want to her mother to tell her my final plan to find another woman. She also welcomes the idea. One thing she said to me, I just consider you to be my brother, and you have been good to us as family. Let us keep the relationship that way. I will stand by you in any relationship. Thank you for your time with us. From that day onward her spirit of love left me.
Before my mother could pass away, she had informed me about a girl she loves. This girl’s father had given Mom a single bed room in his house at the Air field community. Mom had spent some times with this family. She knew that this girl was very obedience to her father and step mother at all times. She also notice that this girl’s father watch over her like an eagle watching over the eaglet. This man could not allow any man or boy speak to his daughter. Almost everywhere he went took her alone. This man is a teacher by profession and was teaching at school where his daughter could attend. The most interesting thing about this man is that he could not allow the boys in the school to play or talk with his daughter. His daughter became the apple of his eyes. Whenever boys play with her, he would get angry and beat on her massively. My mother had observed all the attitudes about this man in relation to his daughter. One evening I went to visit them on the Air Field and Mom told me that I find a girl for you. Who is the girl, I asked Mom. Kormassa, she answered with a low voice. But her father is very jealous to see anyone talking with this girl. Do you love her Mom, I asked, yes I really love her, she is a good girl for you. But the father is the problem. Mom, we need to start first of all by asking her father whether she could be allow to come with you to church. The entire family had never known Christ as Lord and savior. They were unbelievers with serious traditional practices. This girl could only be a good girl for me when she receives Christ in her life. When she agrees with the doctrines of the church and accept my relationship than we all can work together to face her father with true love.
My father told me a story about how a woman was unloved by her husband in a little village. There were two women in a village who married to a man who had greater love for one and the other woman was unloved. The unloved woman decided to find a way she could be loved by her husband. One morning she went to a Zoe man to find out why she is unloved in the home. She told the Zoe man that she needed love in the home like her friend. The Zoe man told her it is easy for me to make you a witch that will make your husband to love you more than your mate. I only need a young lion from you. No one should help you in finding this young lion in the forest. This was a greater request for me. But I will try and get a young lion. She decided to go in the forest and locate a lion den. She took fresh cow meat alone the first day in search of a lion den. Fortunately for her, she saw a mother lion and immediately dropped the fresh cow meat for the mother lion. She realized that this lion has just given birth to a young lion. The mother lion was dangerous at this time because she needed to protect her baby. The woman decided to carry fresh meat for this mother lion every day. Each day she went, she drops a fresh meat for the lion. The more she dropped the meat; the more she dresses nearer to the young lion. After six month of dropping meat for the mother lion, she finally reached the young lion. She dropped one hundred and eighty one meats in a different spots before reaching the baby lion. She had also planned to drop one hundred and eight four spots of fresh meat after the young lion into the forest. The common logic for passing the young lion was to enable for the mother lion to be away from the young one. The more she carries the meat into the forest, the more the mother lion when away from the young lion. One day, she plans to take the young lion away. She took the fresh meat far off and dropped it. The mother lion followed her all the way to where she drops the meat. The mother lion decided to eat before she could return; the woman ran back and took the young lion to the town with her. The Zoe man asked the woman how she manages to get a living young lion? The Zoe man told her go and applies the same methods on your husband. He will love you the best.
This was the same method applies on my wife’s father. One day Mom informed her father to allow his daughter to come to church. He lovely welcome the idea for his daughter to come to church alone with Mom. She declared her willingness to become part of the church. I started working with her to see whether she could be a good wife for me. While in the process of observing her, Mom died in her village. The dead of my parents was a complete set back for me in finding a woman who I will really love. I didn’t really know how to love a woman. I didn’t see my father every showing love to his wives. I grew up in the stage of innocence. Loving and living with a woman was a strange thing for me. Who was there to help finds a wife for me? The Holy Bible answered this question for me one day while going through Proverbs 18:22 which say: "whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." This verse gave me the idea that I must find it. On January 1, 2007 was the day I declared my desire to have her as a wife. She ran away from me because she was afraid of her father. I continue to work with her father to see whether he would allow me to marry his daughter. Her father was happy to see us together and doing lots thing together. One day her father asked me to buy a cell phone for her, which I did. We both had another opportunity of communicating with each other. We spent lots of time discussing Holy Bible and church related doctrines. I saw her to be interesting in giving her life to Jesus Christ.
One day the father called her to know what was really happening between her and me as relate to relationship. She was frank with her father by telling him my decision toward her. She told her father everything I have discussed with her as it relates to marry. The next morning her father called me and asked me about what the daughter told him about me. Yes father, I love her for life. I you really sure you love her for life? Yes I do, responded. Her father accepted my request and plan to work with us for better plan and future. After one week, he called me for better plan about what I have said. We decided to have the first family meeting on the second of June 2007 at the hour of 4PM at his home. He told me to inform all my relatives and church leaders about this meeting. He told us that we should not inform his wife in the home. This woman is a step mother to my wife. My wife mother died in 1994 at child birth. Her step mother hated her because of her father greater love. I patty her condition in a home where step mother hate you. Every evil thing that happened in that home was said to be my wife. The step mother blames her for everything. In all these accusations, she became submissive to her parent. She was always willing to accept all and bear the pains for things she never knew. One day her father decided to abuse her in my presence, which I told the father it was wrong to disgrace your daughter in my presence. Your daughter needed some level of freedom for life that will help us to plan better life for her. The next day I went for visit and met her father sating at front of his house. I greeted, he answered in a good moved. He called my attention and said please help my daughter with a cell phone she needs to communicate with others. I immediately went a bought a phone for her. I came to the house and gave the phone to her father and he presented it to his daughter. She felt happy with the father involvement in the entire process. We all pray that her father will continue to accept the relationship to continue until marriage.
Few days to the meeting, someone went and told him that the man that is about to marriage your daughter he cannot function as man. He is not a man. He cannot have sex. He is unable to produce a child. Why should you give your daughter to such a man? Since he was born, we as family have not seeing he with a woman or neither sees his girl friend. All his little brothers and sisters have gotten children. He has none. Given your daughter to such a man is like you are throwing your daughter away. Do not allow this marriage to take place. He quickly went home and called his daughter in the room and asked her whether I had any sex with her since we became friendly. Tell me the truth because this relationship is about to stop now. He never had sex with me she said to her father. Why? Because we are not married she said. Did he tell you about another woman he had before you? No, she said. The father asked her another question, have you held that this man cannot have sex? Yes she said to her father. Who told you this new? My friends in the market asked me the same question. They advise her to find out from me about what is being said. One afternoon I went for visit and she asked me whether is true that I am unable to have sex. I am unable to have sex now, but when we get marry God will make me to have sex. It good to have sex when we are marry. This statement does not go down well with the father. He asked his daughter whether she still had the desire to marry. Yes, father. He decided to put her out of the house because she wants to marry to me. He threw all her belongings outside.
She decided to go in Kakata city to her Aunty. Her father called all the relatives that she should not be accepted in any home because she plans to marry me. It became the talk of the day. Both families mock me and laugh at me. I became discourage about the entire process. I decided to go in Kakata and meet her and the aunty. We had a fine time together and her aunty promise that the marriage will take place. We became to consult others relatives of her and they all agreed for the weeding to take place. They finally decided that we should have the traditional weeding and have my wife home until the final weeding to the church. Her family told her that the time we will spend together before the weeding at the church I should be able to have sex with her. If I do not have sex with her before the weeding, the family will not allow the weeding to take place at the church. After the traditional weeding, the family told me to take her home. It was not really my plan to take her home at this time. I plan to wait for the weeding at the church to take place. I consulted Pastor Gary Kauffman about what the family has said that I should take her home as wife. I told him the reasons why they want me take her home. He approved that I should take her home. I took my wife her after the traditional weeding. After three days, her older Aunty came to find out whether everything was fine with her. When she entered, I left the home and walk on the road. My wife told her that everything was ok. She really needed the relationship. Her Aunty was dancing around with happiness and proud. She ran to my Aunty and told her that your son is a man. She immediately told other relatives about the good news. They all agreed for the weeding to take place with the exception of her father. On the 23th of February 2008, we had successful weeding at Light Mennonite church. Her father refused to attend the weeding and some of the relatives.
After the wedding, everyone expected a child very soon. People came to our home expecting to see the outcome of the home. After three months, my Aunty came and told me that I needed to have the second wife because my wife had not conceived since three months. Everyone is talking about you that you are unable to have a child by a woman. If she cannot conceive, why not take the second wife. I became very angry with her because of her statement. I took the Bible and explain to her about the important of marriage. Marriage is not only to bear children but to love each other until death. Bible says one man, one woman coming together for life time. One day I was walking on the street and met my wife’s father after three months of marriage. He suddenly pointed his fingers at me a said in an angry mood “you married my daughter in my absence and I am not pleased with you. She will never get pregnancy in her life time. If she bears a child, hair should grow in my hand. He curse our marriage with anger. God in Heaven will give us children. As long I am serving the Almighty God who is the provider for everything, we will have children I said to him. They consulted familiar spirits and wizard for my marriage to lack children and unfruitful. Many of them visited me in my home with their enchanters. One of my family members went to my wife step mother suggesting to her that they should go and consult a wizard why my wife cannot conceive. I realized that we needed to move to a new destination where people will not just walk in our home at their way. Each time my wife conceived the pregnancy will be aborted. We decided to pray for God’s direction. After few days of prayer, the Lord told me in dream that we should move to an unknown location where the rest of the family will come. The morning, I told my wife the dream and we agreed to move. On July 27, 2008, we move to our new house. In October the same year my wife conceived and we continue to pray for a new baby in the home.
We kept the pregnancy secret from the rest of the family until my wife delivered in June 2009. This was a strange new for many people. When the baby was brought home, many relatives came to see the baby. Many felt that this child was born by another man. One of my uncle said until he sees the baby he cannot believe the story. We began to praise God for his blessing upon our family. We realize on God’s power to provide us a child. He did as he wishes. Later we decided to have another child and God blessed us with another girl child.
Written by Moses Massawala (Light Mennonite Church in Monrovia, Liberia)
Submitted by Chester Weaver